I have a couple questions I’d like to ask you about breakups…
- Why is it so hard for most people to get over a breakup?
- Why do we torture ourselves for weeks, months or even YEARS after a breakup, constantly reminding ourselves of how “great it was” and how we “screwed it up”?
- Why is there no real SOLUTION to getting over a breakup, that doesn’t involve drugs, alcohol, brainless sex with strangers or immediately jumping blind into a new (doomed) band-aid relationship?
These questions and many more have come up on my mind and they’re begging for an answer.
In my private coaching practice, I’ve had the fortune of coaching, advising and consulting with dozens and dozens of people on getting over a breakup, both men and women.
Through these many interactions, I’ve learned that most people are identical in their problem
I have analyzed these situations and I would like to give you some advice based on what I’ve learned over time through coaching recently heartbroken people, such as what you may currently be experiencing.
1) Stop Focusing On Him/Her
Often times, when I talk with someone about their breakup, they have these elaborate, intricate stories about the traumatic events that happened.
I usually respond with:
“Thank you. That was a nice story you shared with me. But what actually happened?”
You see, something concerns me about these stories: They’re usually all about THE OTHER PERSON. There’s usually nothing about you.
And if I could assume correctly, you probably have assumed this mode of thinking for the past several months since you got together, and especially the past few weeks since you broke up.
For as long as you are focusing your thoughts, attention, and energy on THEM and not yourself, then you will continue to suffer endlessly, and time will not help.
As soon as you shift from THEM-focused to YOU-focused, the healing begins.
As soon as you shift from YOU-focused back to THEM-focused, the healing stops.
It’s really that simple.
2) Stop Trying To Get “Even”
People often say: “I want him/her to realize what they lost.”
This is honorable, however it is a losing game. You won’t gain any worthwhile fulfillment from knowing that THEY know what they lost in you. It’s an Ego battle. Your Ego wants to “look good” and “avoid looking bad”, which is the basis of that statement: Attached to the opinions of others.
If you want to get clarity around your breakup and whether or not you should “get even” with your ex, ask yourself these questions:
- Does it really matter if my ex knows what he/she lost?
- Would they even understand what they lost even if I could communicate it perfectly to them?
- Do they even CARE?
- Big one: Would it even change anything for my long-term fulfillment if my ex absolutely knew “what they lost”?
The answer is probably NO to all of those.
So I suggest “letting go” of the Ego battle, and focusing on making yourself happy in a non-attached, independent, healthy manner that doesn’t involve THEM.
3) Stop Giving Away Your “Power”
Another thing I typically hear about someone’s breakup is: “Wouldn’t it just suck to have him/her call me, and I start crying over them on the phone? That would be such a HUGE backslide. THEN they will realize that they broke my heart, AND that they hold all the power.”
This is typical thinking for men and women across the world. However, there is no such thing as “power” in reality. The power exists in your mind.
As soon as you give the power to your ex, in YOUR mind, they instantly have the power.
Just by the mere fact of thinking that “they have the power”, literally is what gives your ex the power. It’s what causes you to stop believing in your Self and your own sense of power.
The power is only in YOUR mind, so if you give it away to your ex just by merely thinking that you are powerless, you automatically and instantly become powerless in reality. It’s the power of your thought.
And again with the Ego: SO WHAT if your ex knows they broke your heart.
Newsflash: THEY DID BREAK YOUR HEART.
Stop lying to yourself and to others and to your ex, and become honest with the fact that they really hurt your feelings. It’s okay. It’s okay to be HURT.
Only by accepting and ADMITTING that you are HURT can you start to HEAL.
As soon as you can comfortably look your ex in the eyes, admit that you loved him/her deeply, that they broke your heart, and that you’re thankful for the experience, THAT is when you’ll be well along the process of getting over a breakup.
4) Start Learning How To Effectively Get Over A Breakup
There’s actually an art to getting over a breakup, and there’s a science, psychology, and philosophy for doing it effectively and properly.
If you learn how to get over a breakup properly, you won’t ever have to deal with these crippling emotions of sadness, anger, betrayal anxiety, regret, worry, doubtful wonder, fear, and every other painful emotion involved in breaking up with a romantic lover.
I am actually in the process of creating and finishing up a program specifically designed to walk you through all the stages of a breakup, and give you the framework and step-by-step plan for literally curing the heart break, eliminating the pain, and immunizing yourself from ever being heart broken again, without having to “close off” emotionally, but instead be MORE LOVING, more open, and more authentic than ever before.
When you’re not afraid of getting hurt, because you’re psychologically confident, authentic, and you believe in YOURSELF, then that allows you to be more free and more open in every future relationship you enter. If you aren’t worried about getting hurt, then there is NOTHING to fear. And that is when true love can be created and supported.
5) Sign Up For My Home-Study Course: The Last Heartbreak Program
If you’d like to get more information on this program I’m releasing soon, and get access to advice on getting over a breakup, dealing with romantic rejection, and moving on with your life happily and confidently, click this link read about my highly effective world-class home-study program on getting over a breakup.
Keep a positive mental attitude, focus on MOVING ON with YOUR life, and you’ll be back on your feet stronger than ever and you’ll be surprised how quickly you move on.